This seems to be making the rounds of the Internet again, so I'll do my part:
1. Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your
blighted and simplistic world-view.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
4. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
5. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
6. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
7. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
8. I'll give you a nice, shiny quarter if you'll go away.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of change, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. How about never? Is never good for you?
14. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
15. You're starting to sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication.
16. You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
P.S. I very likely will have opportunities to use one or more of the above sometime tomorrow.